the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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