We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Randomize
