so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
They are going to name an STD after you.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
