The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
