Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
