can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
So much rum. So many feels.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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