I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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