I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
