I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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