Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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