Well I thought I'd be nice but yeah I'm not a fan of you either you're an arrogant stupid cocky unfunny loser. Don't talk to me you're crazy
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
