U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
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the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
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I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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