I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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