My boss' voice literally gives me gas
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize