this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
