My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
Randomize
