he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
