my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
Randomize
