i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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