Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
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