how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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