new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
