I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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