life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
