We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Apparently after I threw up I put my socks in the toilet......
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
my liver is dry heaving
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
