Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's official drugs can't kill me
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Randomize
