Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Randomize
