nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
