I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
