You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Randomize
