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• (214): View more from Texas

  your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.

  (1-214): View more from Texas

  we're not divorced.

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• (215): View more from Pennsylvania

  Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have

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• (510): View more from California

  You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...

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• (407): View more from Florida

  I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."

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• (913): View more from Kansas

  You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup

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• (360): View more from Washington

  i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know

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• (678): View more from Georgia

  We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.

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• (+61): View more from Australia

  Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday

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• (289): View more from Ontario

  our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.

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• (210): View more from Texas

  It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.

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• (360): View more from Washington

  He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.

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• (503): View more from Oregon

  yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was

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• (608): View more from Wisconsin

  We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk

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• (850): View more from Florida

  A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now

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