hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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