I want to have your abortion
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
gotta love it when a reminder comes up on your phone and u think u forgot about a meeting or something then u read it and its only to remind me to go to the titty bar at 3
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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