so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
being pregnant is like rehab
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!