I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
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