dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Randomize
