my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Randomize
