guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
