i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
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Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
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Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
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