I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
