Don't make out with my wife yet
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
