hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
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