Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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