Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Randomize
