but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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