Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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