He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
