By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
