In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
