Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
