After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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