I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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