they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
