I hate all girls vehemently.
it hurts more in the daytime
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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