I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
