I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
she looked like the before picture.
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I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
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Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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