I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
