wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
