I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize