ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
