I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
