The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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