Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I wannas sexs uuuuu
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Randomize
