OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
