Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
