dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
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