Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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