If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
