Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
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