I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Randomize
