my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize