You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
